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coworker informed everybody I’m having an affair however I’m not, colleague’s workplace is gun-themed, and extra — Ask a Supervisor


It’s 4 solutions to 4 questions. Right here we go…

1. Coworker stop and informed everybody I’m having an affair — I’m not

I’ve a messy scenario. Lengthy story brief, I’ve been falsely accused of getting an affair at work. An worker, “Flora,” stop and has been telling individuals the reason being that she’s simply so disgusted with this affair and the way it has been dealt with. It’s a small firm with numerous gossip. Flora contacted the alleged affair companion’s soon-to-be ex spouse and informed her a bunch of false info and gave her my contact information, in addition to information about my husband. The ex-wife then contacted my husband and informed him I used to be having an affair. Once more, I used to be not having an affair.

I’m not absolutely certain why Flora believes this. I don’t report back to the alleged affair companion and by no means have, however I’ve to work with him since our positions align. There have been two cases the place our journey aligned to a distinct facility, nevertheless it wasn’t deliberate that approach, and some cases the place we went to lunch collectively and he opened a door for me (???). Our workplace is just not conducive to having personal conferences, so we seize lunch to speak about tasks.

HR has not mentioned something to me, aside from asking how I used to be doing. Flora is now leaving evaluations on websites referencing the affair (not naming me, happily). I prefer to hold my personal life personal and my preliminary hope was to only let this all blow over, however now I’m undecided. Is that this one thing I ought to deliver up with HR? How a lot information do I share? I’m tremendous embarrassed by the entire scenario and actually don’t wish to name consideration to it, however the entire scenario is simply up to now exterior something I’ve needed to cope with that I don’t know who else to show to for recommendation.

Please do speak with HR, since you’re being harassed and defamed because of your work there! Lay it out very clearly: A former worker is slandering you, posting false issues about you in evaluations of the corporate, and interfering along with your marriage. There may not be a lot your organization can do since Flora now not works there, however she’s made it a piece challenge for you. You gained’t be calling consideration to it; Flora is the one doing that. It’s going to be very clear you’re not the one inflicting drama; Flora is.

You may also take into account a brief session with a lawyer. I don’t know from right here whether or not she’s crossed any authorized traces, however a lawyer can most likely shut quite a lot of this down with a stop and desist letter. It’s value discovering out.

2. Coworker’s workplace is gun-themed

I moved to the U.S. a yr in the past and it has been a wild journey. Though I labored at this firm in an EU workplace beforehand, the tradition within the U.S. is absolutely totally different. The most recent tradition shock for me is that somebody I work with often (a couple of conferences a month) works from his residence workplace and that residence workplace is “gun themed.” When he’s on video, it exhibits half a dozen totally different ammunition-related wall hangings — suppose totally different calibers of ammunition, a shotgun shell formed thermometer, and an ammunition constructing station with a visual reloading software and pile of ammunition.

Is that this an inexpensive factor in a U.S. office? Am I being unreasonable by feeling a bit uncomfortable with a lot gun paraphernalia?

You’re not being unreasonable; a great deal of individuals, together with within the U.S., would discover that distracting and alarming, and quite a lot of workplaces would inform him to make use of a distinct background. I certain would, if I have been his supervisor.

That mentioned, there are elements of the nation the place this may not elevate eyebrows.

3. I spend an excessive amount of time chasing down signatures for birthday playing cards

We’re a small workplace (12-14 absolutely staffed, a mixture of full-timers and part-timers, however because the pandemic, typically there are 10 of us). We’ve got all the time celebrated birthdays with playing cards and cake. I’m the enterprise supervisor, and by some means over the previous couple of years, it has develop into my job to maintain monitor of the cardboard and ensure everybody has gotten the prospect to signal it.

It’s not a lot that I thoughts doing this, it’s simply that we’ve been brief staffed for nearly 4 years and I’ve a lot on my plate. For the final two birthday playing cards, I missed having somebody signal (a distinct individual on every, as a result of neither of them are full-time).

I don’t need anybody to really feel lower than, forgotten, or disregarded (no Leap 12 months infants right here!), however I’m scuffling with this “low-value” job when I’ve actually essential issues on my plate, however I don’t know who else might take it over. That looks like a bizarre job to assign an worker, particularly once we don’t have a receptionist. Is my solely choice to hold scuffling with this job (on common) one week per 30 days?

Three choices:

A. Let everybody know that chasing individuals all the way down to signal playing cards has develop into too time-consuming and also you’ll now not be doing that. As a substitute, you’ll ship out one message letting individuals know the cardboard is in your workplace and to cease by and signal it. If somebody misses it, so be it.

B. Transfer to on-line playing cards. Nonetheless, you continue to might need the identical challenge with individuals needing to be reminded to signal, so when you do that, you must nonetheless simply let individuals know as soon as and never spend time chasing down anybody who hasn’t signed.

C. Cease the playing cards altogether. Let everybody know that it’s develop into too time-consuming and you’re heralding in a brand new, card-less period. Emphasize that there’ll nonetheless be cake.

Personally, I vote for C since you’re overwhelmed and the opposite two choices nonetheless contain you considering an excessive amount of about playing cards.

4. Invited to be a visitor speaker after which blown off

A number of months in the past, I used to be contacted by a professor who teaches within the grad college division I attended. I’ve superb relationships with the division and I’m typically invited to talk at alum occasions, however this professor is new so we had by no means met. (Let’s name him Dr. Smith.)

Dr. Smith requested me to be a visitor speaker at an alumni dialogue he was internet hosting for his class. He informed me there could be two or three different alum invited and requested me to organize a 20-minute dialogue about my experiences at school and my present work.

Just a few days in the past, I checked in with him over electronic mail and he despatched me a Zoom hyperlink to attend (his class was digital). Nonetheless, I used to be unable to get into the assembly as a result of it was set as much as solely enable individuals with a certified college Zoom account (which I now not had as a long-time alum).

I electronic mail Dr. Smith asking him to alter the assembly permissions. When he lastly responds half-hour into the category, he tells me there’s nothing he can do. He says he believes it’s a log-in challenge on my finish and tells me, “Possibly subsequent time, thanks anyway.”

I really feel pissed off that I hung out to organize a speech and likewise stepped away from work to attend, but my absence didn’t appear to be an enormous deal. There was no try to handle the tech challenge and no acknowledgement for the inconvenience to me. Am I overthinking this? How ought to I electronic mail again?

He was impolite! Technical points occur, but when he wasn’t in a position to determine it out in the course of the category, he ought to have apologized profusely, acknowledged your time funding, and requested if there was a handy time to reschedule, if you have been nonetheless keen to. As a substitute, he was cavalier about your time, as when you weren’t doing him a favor that you just put time and power into at his request.

I don’t suppose it is advisable spell that out for him, however I additionally wouldn’t conform to do him any future favors, significantly in the event that they contain you committing a block of your time. (Nonetheless, when you actually wish to say one thing, you possibly can reply with, “I put quite a lot of time in making ready what you had requested. Can I counsel you take a look at the tech forward of time sooner or later in order that doesn’t occur to a different visitor speaker?”)

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